A circadian escape

My worn out sneakers hit the asphalt

and I sprint

what for, I don't always know, I just need to escape for a fragment of time

Music hammers through my head like a catastrophic sonar. It identifies the reasons why my legs insist on pushing forward. Submerged inside, the muddled basis of my actions are detected

I hear the screams of despairing souls, studying me with hollow eyes, picking out every flaw, every adjustment to be made

And I sprint

I hear my father shouting at the top of his lungs

to go to bed earlier and make school on time and do my chores and get up for church and stop making stupid decisions

I hear doors slammed and see the tears soaking through the carpet of those closed doors

and I sprint

from the future hot on my heels, grasping at the fabric of my shirt, taunting me to graduate from high school and settle somewhere and give up on my hopeless dreams

from a mundane metamorphosis into an adult, from taxes and routine and organized family gatherings

I envision myself years from now, my homeless heart still wandering across the highway in search of permanent residence, losing bits and pieces at each motel and 24- hour pit stop

and I sprint

I see death on my shoulder, at every street corner, in a puddle's reflection, painted across a thundering sky, disguised on a billboard, hovering by each stop sign

and I sprint

from every shipwreck scattered across the depth of my soul, from every unrecorded earthquake and every island of misfit toys

I'm out of breath.

inhale through my lips

exhale through my nose

stopping in the middle of nowhere, I collapse on the ground and let my brain seep out onto the asphalt, like a spilt bowl of alphabet soup

"It's over, It's too much, I can't take another minute of this" it spells 

my joints are weak, my knees are scraped, my eyes are blurry, my muscles are overworked, my throat is dry, my heart destitute

but eventually my heartbeat slows down and the song ends and my shoelaces are retied

with a familiar sigh, I heave myself up

and sprint back home.

This message will self destruct along with the author

I scramble down my thoughts and notions on a straight line

and rip out the page when my writing starts to curve

But as the hands on the clock tiptoe across the numbers

the fractures in the pen begin to crack open


it breaks and drenches my hand in ink

and I wash it away with my tears


but...



I fear one day I'll let it saturate my skin

give it permission to stain my veins and cast a shadow over my eyes

and the last drop will be used to mark the end.


I'm afraid to admit things, and I'm afraid to admit

that I'm putting myself through a paper shredder

and the valuable time I waste

brooding and harboring regret

will fill up my heart with poison

 and leak onto the ones I love before taking it's toll on me.


I'm scared of changing

Although it's an inevitable thing, human evolution

I'm afraid to grow into a stranger

I'm afraid the mask I wear will fuse into my skin

and that I'll have nothing left to disguise


I'm afraid I'll never accomplish anything

because the voices in my brain talked me out of it


If you ask

I'm afraid of peeling myself apart layer by layer

limb by limb

and that I'll be the one nailing my coffin shut from the inside


If you ask

my answer will be that

I'm not afraid of the monsters under my bed

I'm afraid of the monsters in my head

Society's newest release: Model 2K1x6x

PLEASE READ BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE OPERATING ROOM

Hello, and thank you for purchasing this informative guide to model 2K1x6x

As you can see, we've made some substantial alterations to the genetic makeup of an average human being. Through a series of tests, we've noted that the modifications made can be painful for the patient, and they will be treated with anesthesia during the operation as well as prescribed analgesics according to their resulting condition to combat any lingering effects. For more information, read below:


We've designed this newest version of human to have a flawless exterior. The process of skin grafting, or Dermabrasion, will permanently remove any scar tissue or blemishes that are visible on the surface, and will also discard imperfect layers of skin to develop a smooth, spotless outer layer. This model also contains facial reconstruction, and offers a variety of feature layouts that have proven to increase aesthetics and attraction (flip to the next page to choose a style).

In addition to this, we've also found that bones, though necessary to the structure of the human anatomy, can still be fractured or broken. To fix this imperfection, we have infused the bone marrow with titanium because of it's light weight and durability. By including this, we are confident it will prevent, if not terminate, all types of skeletal injury.

According to studies, parts of the limbic system, including the hypothalamus, amygdala, and the hippocampus, govern emotions. In the surgery, we install a regulatory system with microscopic wires that weave throughout the brain cells, controlling which stimuli affects the limbic system. This component will essentially eliminate negative emotions such as fear, sadness, anxiety, etc. It will also regulate fluctuating levels of dopamine, keeping the body in a steady state of happiness.

Another element to the model 2K1x6x is the enhancing of brain activity/ thought process. During the procedure, certain parts of the brain's right hemisphere is nullified, which will simultaneously intensify logic and order in the brain, while diminishing confusing and disorienting thoughts and questions. We will also program actions into the brain, which will make everyday motions and conversation come naturally, and reduce any irregular or spastic actions that could interrupt daily routine.

An immense problem that has become increasingly destructive to humankind has been our ability to love. It is the leading source of depression, and can instigate humans to do unpredictable and potentially dangerous things. In conclusion, the final step will be the removal of the heart. The muscular organ will be replaced with a similar motor that will perform the operations of the circulatory system and pump blood throughout the body. After all traces of the heart are completely gone and replaced with our newest technology, we can finally rid society of it's most potent plague, and strive towards obtaining a perfect world, a utopia, in which every human being will be liberated from suffering, and lead chronically happy, painless lives.


AFTER COMPLETING THE REST OF THIS PACKET, PLEASE PROCEED TO THE OPERATING ROOM TO BEGIN SURGERY.

Here's a little song I wrote

These are lyrics to a song I wrote a while ago, and if you survive this entire thing, there's a recording of the song at the end (listen with earphones for best sound quality). It's a little choppy and impromptu but I hope you enjoy it!

But they might have been right

Every statement of love

Keep it from splintering

Crystal waters

We're anchoring, dragging each other down

It's time to let the wind

https://youtu.be/gXAZ92UhFvU