High School's Expiration Date

Middle school daydreams didn't prepare me for this

Elementary ideals seem so nonsensical now

I was going to fall in love for the first time and I was going to have countless friends and I was going to kiss a boy in the rain at a football game like that one movie I saw that one time

These outdated thoughts, these relics, make me shudder

how wrong was I

I thought I'd at least have it all figured it

But there is no science to life, and high school is still just a part of life

its had exquisite highs and miserable lows and the mediocre in between

and now I'm counting down the seconds

How do I feel about that again?

Sad, Sad, Sad, Happy, Sad, Happy, Happy, Sad, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy

If you bottle up every last drop

it's become a solution with diluted sorrow and concentrated delight

I think I'm finally ready

I turned the faucet on a couple months ago

Because the dry crumbling wasteland inside me begged for an oasis

All those memories came in a foggy downpour

and I've learnt to smile at the raindrops trailing down my cheeks

Long corridors, compact hallways, rows of teal lockers hollow throughout

Floors marked with my footprints, air polluted by my lungs, walls stained with my blood

As a sophomore, I felt like a lab rat running circles through a tangled mess of classrooms and bends

At times I've felt as if the building had swallowed me whole 

Other days it felt like the walls were pressing in on each side and the oxygen levels couldn't sustain all of us at once

Dull classrooms, chairs attached to desks, back pains replacing growing pains, glances exchanged

Some teachers were fleeting and already fading, others will forever hold bits of my respect and recognition

Maybe I'll be a teacher one day

Or a musician, because my fingers love the way the strings resonate with the pounding in my ears

Or a therapist, because of all the transient visitors that rented out my heart

Or a writer, because of the day I discovered words are my first language

Now I have to think about these things

I'll miss that the most. Spontaneous, carefree, stupid, reckless, impulsive teenagers

It feels like I won't change 

But the side effects of graduating kicked in early and I've never had to take so many headache pills, I was afraid I'd develop an addiction

For years, I've obediently stumbled to places I should be, stayed quiet in class, kept my wild thoughts in their cage

But I slipped up when I got an exclusive tour of the principals office and I've been mildly deviating ever since

To the friends that have come and gone and the friends that never left and the friends I didn't think I had

I love you, you got me this far 

To my family, that at one point during high school was held together by a single thread

we're proof that you can tie the strings back together and the stitching is permanent this time

Now I'm caught speculating how to end this

This seemingly thick chapter of my life

I know when I throw my cap in the air, I'll be tossing away any grudges, any regrets, any lingering what ifs

Because when it comes down to it, high school still sucks, and moving on doesn't change that fixed fact

But amidst the angst and anguish and heartbreak and insecurities, there were instances where high school was somewhat wonderful. 

So... here's to infinite endings and infinite beginnings.

Thanks for listening.

okay, I'll just put a period now. 

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