A Eulogy To Past Friendships

#1- We broke crayons together. Scribbled on the walls and smeared finger paint on every empty canvas. A day with you meant hide and seek. Gourmet mud cakes. Sticky Popsicle hands and vibrant tongues. We'd scream and throw tantrums and scrape up our knees and catch each other in butterfly nets. I don't remember your name, but I know back then, things were simpler. If we were trapped in the same room together, we were best friends. Period.

#2- It was just a serendipitous instance of laughter that drew us together, and we never stopped laughing after that. You were the best friend anyone could ask for. When I think of you, I reminisce surgically manufactured four leaf clovers. Raiding your pantry for sweets. Static lightning in our hair from your trampoline. Performing raps about early american settlements and The Battle of the Alamo, Yo.  Half court shots in basketball games. You were impossibly kind and loyal and always armed with a smile. I still regret drifting apart.

#3-You were contrary to anyone I'd ever met, and you perceived things in a way no one could. With you, my imagination ran through fields of daisies and over snow capped mountains and through poisonous jungles. Every day was a fantastical journey through the dimension of our collaborating minds. Summers were when our friendship thrived, the time to whip up smoothie supernovas and innovatively sell lemonade and rescue each other from the dungeon of some dark hooded figure who planned on extracting our rare powers of levitation. We were peas in a pod, you and I, although, no matter how many episodes I sat through, suffered through, or slept through, I never did get into anime.

#4- The first word that pops into my head is wild. Who knows how we became friends in the first place, but it was kind of the classic setup. Outgoing spontaneous free spirit paired with a shy quirky oddball. Introducing gossip, first crushes, contrasting opinions, trespassing, drama, and competition. I liked it when you took control, admired you for it. You had a contagious laugh and a charming character. Every day you conquered the stage while I settled with the role of ensemble. It really didn't come as a surprise when you replaced me for the "popular" crowd. I was never cut out to be an actor.

#5- Middle school. Ugh. After a nearly friendless void known as seventh grade, I met you in creative writing, and we bonded over story prompts and critiquing our works and my obsession of creating bone-chilling horror stories with a sickening plot twist at the end. You were calm and collected, but found humor in little things and were marvelous in your own way. Being around you brought out the psychotic weirdo in me, the one that cracks jokes left and right and welcomes a healthy quantity of embarrassment. Without you, I probably wouldn't be the same person I am today.

#6- This is where I learned how to be "cool". (I'm afraid this line isn't very accurate. I mean, have you met me? Yeah, no) You always had your crew surrounding you and a reputation to uphold. A description that would do you justice would have to be bold, daring, funny, assertive, witty, and just plain primo with a touch of rebellion. As we grew closer and started hanging out regularly, we did the outrageous and unthinkable, and made so many unforgettable memories. My fair weather friend, we always had fun- you weren't one to display any weakness or grim emotion, and looking back, I used to have a perpetual desire to prove myself around you, which is the one thing I don't miss.

#7- I didn't want to be friends at the time. We didn't associate even though you lived right around the block, and I wanted to keep it that way. Of course, the mothers stepped in and practically set up a play date for their two teenagers. I whined and complained and resisted, but the instant we were together, things just clicked. It was like the universe wanted it to be, and we've never stopped being there for each other since. You're someone I have no boundaries with, someone I tell all my secrets to, someone who shares the same passion for music and someone who has a mutual understanding for me as I do for them. Cheers to all the crazy times we've had- skinny dipping at Huntington, admiring meteor showers in the same sleeping bag, writing stories together, sugar-induced comatose, meditation, concerts and band practice, crashing stake dances, intellectual cabin talk, graveyards and late night horror films, coping with high school drama- and cheers to the good times to come! Sometimes you forget how extraordinary you really are. Just remember, if you are reading this, that no matter what happens, I've got your back, and with the years that will pass us by, as we change and age and grow and drift towards different directions, our paths will always be drawn back to each other.

#8- No matter what I say about you, it will always be too little. I apologize in advance for being so vague. There's no way we will ever be apart- that's right, you're stuck with me. Living without you in my life isn't a possibility; I wouldn't be able to go on. I know more about you than you probably do. You're so weird and wonderful and smart and so many more things I couldn't possibly attempt to squeeze in here. I'm not going to say any more than that.

#9- I spend every living, breathing moment with you. You live inside me, and the more alone I am, the more you pour out of me. We share every heartbreak, think the same thoughts, produce every tear, value every accomplishment, love all the same people, and experience every moment of pure joy. I hope you don't change too much, because I really do like you the way you are, and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that.

#10- ....Hey there. So.... yeah. If you made it through this entire lengthy post, kudos to you. I'm sure this has been an extreme trial of your mental endurance, and for that I am very impressed. You must think that I go through friends like one goes through tennis shoes, and I can assure you that isn't true. I apologize to all of the many individuals I left out, and my perhaps brutal honesty of each friendship. I learned so much from these people, and they've all had an irreversible impact on my character. I've been extremely fortunate to have had them in my life. Now, the reason you're number ten is because I want you to be my friend. We can be acquaintances, friends for a couple days, friends for a season, or friends until death do we part, or past that- it's up to you. But I promise I'd accept you for who you are, just talk to me. We may be absolute strangers right now, but that's how every friendship starts out, so.... let's change that.