Heartbeat maintenance

I don't think my heart would know how to keep consistently beating day after day without music. It serves as a metronome to my heart, and these songs are what keeps my blood pumping, my vessels intact, what plays through certain instances in my life. These songs say everything my heart can't, basically. Be sure to listen to a couple of these.

The Messenger- Linkin Park

This song is for those moments when you need to scream about everything and just purge your emotions- I highly recommend it every once in a while

On Melancholy Hill- Gorillaz

I listen to this when a good night is reluctantly coming to an end, and I'm driving along a long stretch of highway. Kind of sums everything up.

Look What You've Done- Jet

Every time I hear this song my heart throbs. This one is a tribute to sweltering summer days, salt stinging our eyes, lethal sunburns that set our skin on fire, and every other physical pain that makes the beach worth it. 

Baby I'm Yours- Arctic Monkeys

Obviously I had to put one love song in the mix. Not sure if this kind of dedication still exists, but I like to dream about it.

21 guns- Green Day

First song I loved by this band, and it's the kind of tune that motivates me to get up in the morning.



Violet Hill- Coldplay

The bridge of this song leaves me speechless. Really anything by Coldplay strikes the core.

Semi-Charmed Life- Third Eye Blind

These types of upbeat songs I usually run or play soccer to.

Misery Business- Paramore

When everything is working out (which of course is pretty rare), and you kinda just need to sing about it.

Smells Like Teen Spirit- Nirvana

Kickin it back to the 90's, this song themes my rebellion, whenever I make stupid decisions on my own accord, knowing the risk I'm taking because "I'm only a teenager once". Here's to climbing the roof of  LP, sneaking onto the catwalk, nearly getting suspended, sabotaging band performances, pulling pranks, skinny dipping, causing a ruckus, etc.

Missing You- All Time Low

This song triggers tears. I heard it after a recent suicide and it made everything a little brighter. If you ever even reconsider the value of your life, listen to this. 

Gold On The Ceiling- The Black Keys

We sang along to this on our way to prom. Try to resist doing air guitar to the chorus. I dare you.

Polaroid- Imagine Dragons

Can't hear this one enough. 

Northern Downpour- Panic! At The Disco

This is mud puddles and flooded pipes, broken umbrellas and sidewalk earth worms. Just your typical rainy weather song. 

Creepin Up The Backstairs- The Fratellis

Here's to sneaking out well past curfew...

Talk! - The 1975

When I get sick of listening to people, of interrogations and relentless conversation, and I'd rather be an introvert in the remedial silence of my bedroom.

Painting Flowers- All Time Low

Same band, completely different sound. I like to blast this song up in my attic past midnight while the world sleeps. It changes my perception of things, and inspires me.

Car Radio- Twenty One Pilots

Mhmm. Do I even need to explain this?

Drop The Game- Flume

This is too catchy, I'm obligated to put it on the list.

All These Things I've Done- The Killers

Okay, final song since it's getting late and this list is getting long. The lyrics to this get me every time. Got soul, but you're not a soldier? You should hear this. 

Those are just a few of my favorite songs, hope you like them

Blood on my hands

This story involves a cold-blooded killer.

That being me.

You have to understand, first and foremost, that I never meant to harm anything. I went into the day with innocent intentions, oblivious to the repercussions of my stupidity, and left with a surreal experience that still haunts me to this day. If you're actually going to read this, please erase any judgmental inclinations, and try to see things from my perspective.

Here we go.

Twas a sunny spring afternoon during the ninth grade, my final year of Timberline. I was hanging with my homies at the time at my friend's mansion in Alpine. At this point, we had wasted a few hours taking frequent trips to the kitchen, raiding her pantry for junk food, whilst observing the wonders of the Animalia Phylum Cordata.

Positioned in the middle of a round wood table on my friend's back porch was a hummingbird feeder. Like a shrine to nature, stunning hummingbirds of varying hues and iridescent feathers flocked fearlessly to the feeder and partook of it's nectar, zooming right past our heads without a second thought. Little did they know their thirst would come at a cost.

My friend then goes on to tell us about how she's tried to catch hummingbirds before. We seize the challenge immediately and hatch a plan, gathering all the supplies. It was a basic operation that consisted of setting up a cardboard box over the feeder, placing a stick underneath with a string tied to it, and sitting a distance away, dropping the box while they were distracted underneath.

Hummingbirds flap their wings fifty to two hundred times per second, and can fly up to 34 mph forward and backward. We were no match for this specimen, and it took an hour and a half for everyone to accept that. Well, everyone but me.

I was frustrated with the whole thing, becoming dangerously passionate in our cause. While everyone retreated inside to get popsicles, I stayed outside and continued the endeavor, holding the box instead and slamming it down with newfound aggression.

One parched hummingbird entered the trap, it's feathers a breathtaking mixture of vibrant blues and greens. It lingered at the feeder, and I waited until my instincts told me it was right, then let the box come crashing down. Inside, I heard it rustling about, indicating fleeting success. All at once, it became eerily silent.

"I think I caught-"

I stopped mid sentence when I saw what I had done.

This image is still vivid in my mind. As I lifted that box, I saw the hummingbird laying on the table, it's head moving rapidly side to side as it took it's last dying breaths. Somewhere in the process of capturing the bird, it had acquired fatal injuries, along with the crippling loss of it's left wing.

I wish I could say that I saved it somehow, had gently given it CPR and nursed it back to health, but that wouldn't be the truth. Reality was a bitter and unbearable thing that day, but reality told me that I had just killed a hummingbird. 

Naturally, I screamed bloody murder. My friends came running out and witnessed firsthand what I had done. I explained exactly what transpired, tears filling up in my eyes, and they comforted me best they could, the horror of the situation crackling in the air around us. We slipped the corpse into a box, gave it a proper burial in her backyard underneath a flowerbed, and agreed to never speak of it again.

I learned an important lesson that day about taking things too far, where to draw the line between desire and insanity, and how unfathomably precious life is. I hope sharing this story with you can serve as a release to the guilt I've harbored for all these years, and perhaps prevent you from doing anything similar to this... Make good choices guys. 

Let's get this over with

A circadian escape

My worn out sneakers hit the asphalt

and I sprint

what for, I don't always know, I just need to escape for a fragment of time

Music hammers through my head like a catastrophic sonar. It identifies the reasons why my legs insist on pushing forward. Submerged inside, the muddled basis of my actions are detected

I hear the screams of despairing souls, studying me with hollow eyes, picking out every flaw, every adjustment to be made

And I sprint

I hear my father shouting at the top of his lungs

to go to bed earlier and make school on time and do my chores and get up for church and stop making stupid decisions

I hear doors slammed and see the tears soaking through the carpet of those closed doors

and I sprint

from the future hot on my heels, grasping at the fabric of my shirt, taunting me to graduate from high school and settle somewhere and give up on my hopeless dreams

from a mundane metamorphosis into an adult, from taxes and routine and organized family gatherings

I envision myself years from now, my homeless heart still wandering across the highway in search of permanent residence, losing bits and pieces at each motel and 24- hour pit stop

and I sprint

I see death on my shoulder, at every street corner, in a puddle's reflection, painted across a thundering sky, disguised on a billboard, hovering by each stop sign

and I sprint

from every shipwreck scattered across the depth of my soul, from every unrecorded earthquake and every island of misfit toys

I'm out of breath.

inhale through my lips

exhale through my nose

stopping in the middle of nowhere, I collapse on the ground and let my brain seep out onto the asphalt, like a spilt bowl of alphabet soup

"It's over, It's too much, I can't take another minute of this" it spells 

my joints are weak, my knees are scraped, my eyes are blurry, my muscles are overworked, my throat is dry, my heart destitute

but eventually my heartbeat slows down and the song ends and my shoelaces are retied

with a familiar sigh, I heave myself up

and sprint back home.

This message will self destruct along with the author

I scramble down my thoughts and notions on a straight line

and rip out the page when my writing starts to curve

But as the hands on the clock tiptoe across the numbers

the fractures in the pen begin to crack open


it breaks and drenches my hand in ink

and I wash it away with my tears


but...



I fear one day I'll let it saturate my skin

give it permission to stain my veins and cast a shadow over my eyes

and the last drop will be used to mark the end.


I'm afraid to admit things, and I'm afraid to admit

that I'm putting myself through a paper shredder

and the valuable time I waste

brooding and harboring regret

will fill up my heart with poison

 and leak onto the ones I love before taking it's toll on me.


I'm scared of changing

Although it's an inevitable thing, human evolution

I'm afraid to grow into a stranger

I'm afraid the mask I wear will fuse into my skin

and that I'll have nothing left to disguise


I'm afraid I'll never accomplish anything

because the voices in my brain talked me out of it


If you ask

I'm afraid of peeling myself apart layer by layer

limb by limb

and that I'll be the one nailing my coffin shut from the inside


If you ask

my answer will be that

I'm not afraid of the monsters under my bed

I'm afraid of the monsters in my head

Society's newest release: Model 2K1x6x

PLEASE READ BEFORE PROCEEDING TO THE OPERATING ROOM

Hello, and thank you for purchasing this informative guide to model 2K1x6x

As you can see, we've made some substantial alterations to the genetic makeup of an average human being. Through a series of tests, we've noted that the modifications made can be painful for the patient, and they will be treated with anesthesia during the operation as well as prescribed analgesics according to their resulting condition to combat any lingering effects. For more information, read below:


We've designed this newest version of human to have a flawless exterior. The process of skin grafting, or Dermabrasion, will permanently remove any scar tissue or blemishes that are visible on the surface, and will also discard imperfect layers of skin to develop a smooth, spotless outer layer. This model also contains facial reconstruction, and offers a variety of feature layouts that have proven to increase aesthetics and attraction (flip to the next page to choose a style).

In addition to this, we've also found that bones, though necessary to the structure of the human anatomy, can still be fractured or broken. To fix this imperfection, we have infused the bone marrow with titanium because of it's light weight and durability. By including this, we are confident it will prevent, if not terminate, all types of skeletal injury.

According to studies, parts of the limbic system, including the hypothalamus, amygdala, and the hippocampus, govern emotions. In the surgery, we install a regulatory system with microscopic wires that weave throughout the brain cells, controlling which stimuli affects the limbic system. This component will essentially eliminate negative emotions such as fear, sadness, anxiety, etc. It will also regulate fluctuating levels of dopamine, keeping the body in a steady state of happiness.

Another element to the model 2K1x6x is the enhancing of brain activity/ thought process. During the procedure, certain parts of the brain's right hemisphere is nullified, which will simultaneously intensify logic and order in the brain, while diminishing confusing and disorienting thoughts and questions. We will also program actions into the brain, which will make everyday motions and conversation come naturally, and reduce any irregular or spastic actions that could interrupt daily routine.

An immense problem that has become increasingly destructive to humankind has been our ability to love. It is the leading source of depression, and can instigate humans to do unpredictable and potentially dangerous things. In conclusion, the final step will be the removal of the heart. The muscular organ will be replaced with a similar motor that will perform the operations of the circulatory system and pump blood throughout the body. After all traces of the heart are completely gone and replaced with our newest technology, we can finally rid society of it's most potent plague, and strive towards obtaining a perfect world, a utopia, in which every human being will be liberated from suffering, and lead chronically happy, painless lives.


AFTER COMPLETING THE REST OF THIS PACKET, PLEASE PROCEED TO THE OPERATING ROOM TO BEGIN SURGERY.

Here's a little song I wrote

These are lyrics to a song I wrote a while ago, and if you survive this entire thing, there's a recording of the song at the end (listen with earphones for best sound quality). It's a little choppy and impromptu but I hope you enjoy it!

But they might have been right

Every statement of love

Keep it from splintering

Crystal waters

We're anchoring, dragging each other down

It's time to let the wind

https://youtu.be/gXAZ92UhFvU